Hey! Give me back my 3D goggles!

Beam me up Scotty!Ok, I get this we have to march forward idea. First we had the keyboard and mouse combo, joysticks, voice recognition, pen-based, iPhone and so forth. Now the hottest new thing on the horizon is 3D ‘motion gaming’ and ‘total immersion’. The basic idea is the more bomb-like devices you have strapped to you the more life-like the virtual experience. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about its similar to when those guys on CSI waive their arms around like a blind mime and make shit move around on the monitors. I’m not convinced the technology is cooked just yet.

I went on a vacation to a resort in the Bahamas that had these really cool futuristic rooms. Your “well appointed den” has all these gadgets and gizmo’s to make your stay more enjoyable. “Everything is automated” they said. Your wish is our command. Fine, that sounds real nice on paper but reality is a whole different beast. I checked out and discovered every time I had sneezed I bought an hours worth of My Johnson Has a First Name on pay-per-view. Being a neat-freak I reorganized my mini-fridge. I had no idea the items sat on pressure switches and that little exercise ended up costing me $320. Trust me on this: Never argue a mini-bar tab after spending 4 hours at the Wiggle Room.

And don’t even get me started on the application of theseI need a 40 weight chaser please contraptions for virtual sex. Carpet cleaners everywhere are cringing at the thought.

There’s a twisted irony in this whole motion gaming movement. If you think about it, it wasn’t more than just a few years ago when everyone was whining about how all their kids ever did was sit like a potato in front of the TV. Then we gave the potatoes keyboards. Soon after came the light sabers, Guitar Hero and those goofy looking helmets. They migrated inside to escape exercise and now we’ve got them hopping around like 4 foot screaming penis’s. Brilliant parenting. We’re also the ones that are going to be buying them virtual knee pads, baseball bats and James Bond armored dinner jackets. When I see my grand-daughter leave the house in the future I won’t be able to tell if she’s got a date or is going to Libby’s to play Marilyn Manson Lives

Anyways. Remember when Wii first debuted and husbands were clocking their wives while engaged in a calorie burning game of virtual boThe game roomwling? How about a virtual version of MMA on this get up? “No worries honey, remember it’s a game. When I body slam you onto those marble floors you-just-had-to-have you won’t feel anything. No worries at all. Tighten that buckle would ya?”


“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing” ~ Anonymous

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