Hello? Madam President? This is Governor “Don’t Start the Revolution without Me” Ventura up here in Minnesota and I’m reporting in on behalf of the Governor’s Union of the Western North Uppermost Territorial States. GUWNUTS. We were wondering if you could spare a few hundred drones for us up here, the Canadians are becoming a real nuisance. Maybe a few patriots or other small arms if you have any lying around.
The truth is we like Canadians as tourists a whole lot more than anything. But they put a lot of good honest folks out of business here. They are always low balling the state road clearing contracts. The Canucks are using all green power so they’ll get the tax rebates. They hire out illegal Canadians; they don’t have to pay for healthcare or anything.
Yes, they run entirely on free green power. Except for the feed.
The feed for the meece. Moose. Anyways, the Canucks hook their plow blades behind the moose. They even recycle the manure for fuel. 100% green.
Yes ma’am, we’d do the same thing except this global warming has driven all the moose north into Canada and the only ones we have left are the ones on the walls.
Well, Governor Palin is building a wood fence along the Canadian border.
Yeah, that’s correct. A big, tall, wood fence.
Yes, she understands it will be very costly.
Yes she’s aware of the environmental impact. If you’d prefer, she’s got her position outlined on her Facebook.
Yeah, she knows that too, she’s calling her little endeavor “Palin’s Pet Project for Human Humanity”.
You’re just going to have to ask her about that yourself Madam President.
Well, she said, um, something about good fences make good neighbors. Ok, I’m sorry Madam President, what she really said was the border fence would match the one at her house and it would be a tribute to the Chinese.
Now please don’t go all Dick Cheney on me and shoot the messenger. She read a Readers Digest article at the doctor’s office that suggested China’s economy was on the upswing and should peak when they host the Olympics. Her goal is to be right on top of things.
One last thing please, Madam President.
I was wondering if I could get an autographed copy of your book “The Arizona Wars: Fences are for Sissies”
“I look just like the girls next door… if you happen to live next door to an amusement park” ~ Dolly Parton